Me the Living Corpse

I think of Myself,
As a living Corpse;
Of a would-be Suicide...
I mean,
I am Dead - But not allowed to Die.
Alive - But as good as Dead 💀
 .|x|.

Nothingness

Nothingness is slowly clotting my arteries.
Nothingness is slowly numbing my soul.
Caught by nothingness,
Saying nothing...
Nothingness has become me.
When I am nothing,
They say that,
They are surprised in the way;
That they are forever surprised,
"But there was nothing the matter with Him!!!" 😂🖕😂

Slutty Depression

This Fucking Slut called, Depression...
Just gives me that dark smile,
Settles into my favorite chair,
Puts Her feet on my table and lights a cigar,
Filling the room with Her awful smoke...
Loneliness watches and sighs;
Then climbs into my bed,
And pulls the covers over Herself,
Half naked,
A lingerie without a bra nor any undies...
She's going to make me sleep with Her again tonight...

Who am I?

I don't know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy at the same time...

Mr. Nobody

Now i know,
That it's obvious that i am a nobody.
I haven't got as much talent as I thought I had,
And there was no Plan B,
And i got no skills
And a fucked up education,
And now;
I am looking at 26 years of nothing.
Probably less than nothing...
And that's pretty heavy.
That's worse than having a terminal brain cancer
Because what i've got now,
Will take a lot longer to kill me...
Meanwhile, there's only a few things um gonna be left with...
i.e. laodz of regrets,
And Loadz of nothing else...
I've got no choice but a slow, painful death, not a quick, merciful one..

.

2AM Guilts

I've got a bad case of the 2:00 am guilts -
You know, when you lie in bed awake
And replay all those things you didn't do right?
Because, as we all know,
Nothing helps you cope insomnia;
Like a nice warm glass of regret,
Depression and self-loathing... 🍻

When We Grow Up...

Whenever we grow,
We tend to feel it,
As a young seed must feel the weight
And inertia of the earth
As it seeks to break out of its shell
On its way to becoming a plant.
Often the feeling is anything but pleasant.
But what is most unpleasant is
The not knowing what is happening.
Those long periods when something
Inside ourselves seems to be waiting,
Holding its breath,
Unsure about what the next step should be,
Eventually become the periods we wait for,
For it is in those periods that we realize
That we are being prepared
For the next phase of our life and that,
In all probability,
A new level of the personality
Is about to be revealed....
So;
Some periods of our growth
Are so confusing,
That we don’t even recognize
That growth is happening.
We may feel hostile or angry or weepy
And hysterical,
Or we may feel depressed.
It would never occur to us,
Unless we stumbled on a book
Or a person who explained to us,
That we were in fact in the process
Of change,
Of actually becoming larger,
Spiritually, than we were before...
     -Anonymous

Rain ☔

Rain makes me feel less alone...
Rain is a cloud- falling apart,
And pouring its shattered pieces
Down on top of you...
It makes me feel good to know
That I'm not the only thing that falls apart...
It makes me feel better
To know that im not the only one
But there are other things in nature
That shatter & falls apart...

Worst Years of My Life

"First Year was the worst,"
"And The Second Year... It was the worst too...
The Third,  Final, Next Years; I didn't enjoy at all.
After that I went into a bit of a decline...
I gave up on all hopes
And i gave up on my life itself
Knowing that,
Even worse years are yet to come🖕

My Mom

My mother,
Wanting us to be happy,
Trynna keep us happy,
Depsite all the hardships and sufferings
She's been thru & she's going thru...
Is telling me to be happy: "Son, smile!
Why don't you ever smile?"
And then, she would smile...
To show me how;
And it was the
Saddest and most heartbreaking
Smile I've ever seen...

Addictions Urges

I used to think that i was addicted to smoking,

Yet here i am fucking restless

To find something sharp,

Forgetting all about smoking...

It just made me Realized that

I wasn't experiencing an addiction

Not at-least at its purest and most vulnerable form til now 😂😂😂

I guess I have almost forgotten the rush,

The desire and the feeling for so fucking long!!!

Being Selfish

When Suicide ain't an option,
Because it would leave Your family devastated...
So instead wishing you were dead or wishing you to get terminally ill/sick...
While you hate even the thought of one of your loved ones even catching a little cold or worry to see them upset or sad;
Is the most self-centered, selfish thing you could ever do...
And here i am being sooo damn selfish and self-centered by definition, like a bastard!!! 🖕

Feeling Worthless

Total worthlessness; Whole selfloathness...

Fucking Helplessness; Complete Hopefulness of Hopelessness ...

A Life of Meaningless; A mind Full of Life's Meaninglessness,

Mindfulness of Livelessness; Concentration on hatefulness

A Life Full of a Bunch of Regrets

A Body Full of Self Inflicted Wounds

A Soul Full of Shame and Humiliation

...

Living for the Sake of Them; Whom i Adore Without Conditions...

Eventhough i loath myself,
Even i don't love myself,
And even my life aint worth living;
Living for the ones i Love is worth!
So it makes it even as if i loved my life,
And it is  worth living for!
Yet, that doesn't mean that i enjoy it myself;
For it really is a living hell,
For most of'em don't even know it
And sometimes they think that
You are sick in the head!