FML

Over the past couple of years,

I have lost pieces of me

Which made me who i was...

The sum of those pieces have cost

The better part of who i used to be...

Even if i tried and collected them,

Even if i did able to put them back in order again...

I dont think i could ever give life to that cheerful peaceful happy same old me

Even if those same pieces were to put back together again...

There wont be that same pure untroubled old soul to liven up that physique again...

Because that one especial element

Which gives a meaning to one's soul...

It is the one Piece that

i aint gonna find in my soul again...

 #FML

MEMORIES

Too many fucking memories man!!!! 

They make u unable to unfuck yourself from all the shit that happened with that particular person 

and it prevents u from being who you used to be before all that stuff happened!!! 

And sometimes they make u feel the feeling... 

That you don't even know what the fuck u are feeling!!! LOL!!!

Flashbacks, them fucking flashbacks...

I knoww reacting to them will be unintentional, 

We just cant fucking escape from'em but to react to them freaking flashbacks!!! 

They will make your mind stuck in a thought loop and they will fetch you to a place where you don't wanna go...

To a place where u would become so helpless that even your sound wont come out!!!! 

They will make your mind stuck in a time loop where u will get stuck for the rest of your life, thru infinity till eternity...

Right when you think that you are over that situation or that person

Right when you think that those tiniest detailed memories cannot hurt you anymore... 

A random flashback would bring you back a thousand memories ; 

And they would invade and penetrate your mind , rush to your heart, and they would hit you so bad that they would make you wish that you could unmet that person, 

And they will fucking break your heart all over again!!! 

There... you are at nowhere but at the threshold of that split second where that taunting time loop begins...again!!!

So the loop begins... them memories hit you so fucking bad that it hurts like a motherfucker!!!

She doesn't hate you, neither does she love you, she's just not necessarily excited about your existence anymore!!! 

And it fucking hurts!!! 

It fucking kills you slowly!!!

Here you were thinking that only supernatural freaks could haunt human lives, 

Yet it could be a photo album, which would remind us of who we used to be, 

Who we once were and that we actually used to live, got to live a life like that in real fucking life!!!! 

Or it could be some things, that you have left unsaid,

Or a broken promise, a love letter, a text message, a memory or a consequence of a bad choice u made;

Or it could be a song...for each li'l memory has its own soundtrack.... !!!

PHOTOGRAPHS....that is what i love about them!!! They are the proof that once, even if it was just for a heartbeat... everything was perfect!!!

So they make u linger for longer in that time warp where u get lost in your past in a surreal world!!! 

But when the fist of reality hits you and punches you in the fucking face, 

You are reminded that those wounds, won't ever get healed, 

And that the pain is just too real, 'cause there is too much that time cannot erase!!!! 

So the mind keeps replaying what heart cannot erase!!! 

Maybe, just maybe, u will be amazed that one-day you have erased all them memories from your heart... but still, not all of'em, not completely, cuz some tiny li'l parts of those memories will remain and linger in your heart like a haze!!!!

She... 

man she fucks me over and over again...

Me and her... we started with a simple hello, but ended up with a complicated goodbye... !!!

There is this moment when you are in the amidst of the process of getting to know someone...

That moment when u realize something deep and buried in you, something that carved into your soul , is deep and buried in them too... 

It makes u feel like meeting a stranger that you've known for your whole life!!!! 

But now here we are.... again.... not friends, not enemies... just strangers, with some unforgettable cherished memories of a lifetime!!! 

So we departed without the perfect closure... 

Which makes me miserable by making me project a fantasy of how the relationship could have been... But yet I have realized that some things just have to end without a closure... 

Cuz what happened has happened, and whats done is done!!!

We are nothing but travelers on a grandiose journey man,

Bathing in elixir whirlpools, 

Swirling thru stardust eddies and thru infinity... 

The life is eternal, 

We have just stopped for a moment to encounter each other... 

To meet , to love, to share and to be strangers when we depart again... i guess!!! 

So in that moment of encounter, 

Just enjoy the every heartbeat of it, for it will never happen again, not with this exact same person, not this same exact feeling, not this exact same chemistry or the bond ever again thru this journey... 

So cherish and fathom that unique moment, for this moment is a tiny little parenthesis in eternity!!! 

Live it to the fullest of your veins for you won't have to continue your journey with unlived lives in your veins,

For it will make u feel like u reached the empyrean!!!!! 

For u wont have to regret that you couldn't live that moment to the fullest!!! 

Cuz you ain't coming back, but travelling thru this vast eternity forever... 

Even after the stars died... even after black-holes were created and white holes are born, 

For we journey from this universe to the other via this black-hole thru those white holes...

Find What You Love & Let it Kill You!!!!

Find what u love and let it kill u... they say!!! 

And yea, it is true...everything that we love, 

Everything we passionate about...

Almost all of them are self destructive... 

And you know,

The worst thing about

Anything that is self destructive!!?? 

We become so intimate with those things... 

The desire, the craving, the addiction

And the longing.... 

You become so close with your addictions,

That leaving them behind

Makes you feel like,

Killing that one part of yours

That taught you how to survive alone,

All by yourself

Hence...

Here we are...

Drunkards, junkies, sex addicts, druggies... 

Yes,

All of us are addicted to something that takes away the pain,

From our physiques to our souls

Those addictions...

They help the course we are desperately trying in our entire life... 

To escape the inevitability of this reality...

But our one true addiction

Aint to ciagrettes, pills or drugs... 

We are addicted to numb the pain... 

And to feel real without the pain...

A Life Like This 🖕🏻

Pathetic soul, It's a cigarette that he holds

Blaming the entire world for his own faults 

Thinking that the whole world should be a bed of roses, and everyone should be giving him a helping hand with every thing that goes wrong

Every night he smokes and sobs

Ain't there a night he stays sober but shots of whiskey he moans

Every deed he does makes him bored

He just doesn't have one single reason to carry on

He just want no more to live on, 

He just wanna leave this life for good, without even leaving a note, 

A note that explains how he ended up having a life like this,

How he stopped believing in God, 

And why he started to think that this so-called God is so cold 

Hence the whole concept of god is so false; Gosh he ain't a moron,

He just hate the fact that he was born

He knows that this world and all these people are better off without his old soul

He knows he is so old school and sore, 

So the the workd is gonna be a better place without his damned soul 

He just wanna hit the road 

And stroll where his feet carry him on

Never to be returned but to be forever gone...

And to be forever forgotten... 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻

The Caller Assistant 😂

When u phone the insurance company to claim ur insurance, and a lustful female voice picks up the phone and when she asks ur email address and when you spell it out and when she wants to make sure she takes it down right, so she asks you which one is it Mr. iShan,  

S for sex or L for Love 

and then again 

M for Maleclap or N for Naughty!??? 

Well, i could think of so many simple words that begins with M, yet, MaleClap!? Wtf was she referring to!!! As i know maleclap is.... shit mate, she is one nasty funny assistant with a dulcet voice 😂😅😅💜💜💜

Feeling Nothing

I never knew or believed that this feeling of feeling nothing towards someone or something did exist... since recently i discovered that very feeling does indeed exist!!!

Now; there are people ... who i dont give a shit about... when i say i dnt give a shit... i really mean it! Whether they become the richest men in the world... or whether they were murdered in a brutal way after some kinda torturing... i really aint gonna feel anything for their lives... i know it seems impossible... cuz as humans we feel things and seeing someone dies or dead... it makes us sick worried, Even if we were complete strangers right!!?? But believe me, it is same with me for the rest of the world except for these few people! What happens with them, what happens in their lives, whether they are sooo happy or, whether they are real sad and feeling suicidal, is literally irrelevant to me, i just dnt give a flying fuck!!! To be exact, those characters dont exist in the universe that is perceived by my senses!!! Lol

It's soo bizzare and hard to believe... once were bossom amigos, now not even enemies... 😂😂😂

Knowing that feeling's existence makes me think that if it does exist, there maybe people who feel about me in the exact same way... i mean i already know one!!! Shit mate!!! Damn!!!! I fucking hate knowing it!!! And this stupid heartless feeling!!! Fuckkkk!!! 

UNPROCURABLE LOVE

She loves me for what i am Yet i don't have the right to love her for who she is... I mean i do love her for everything she is... But god i don't have the fucking right... I loved her since i laid my eyes upon her Fair cheeks where veins were visible... Lips like crimson roses yet way more divine... Tiny finger always sticking out of the rest of her fingers when she grabs something or laughs Specs making her look kinda naughty Decency and the innocent look on her face at the same time God she's still the same... Me being a fugly miserable brat She being a hearty adorable lass She could make me a gentleman by being my gentle angel.. But god why did this has to happen an unprocurable love She'll never be mine She won't shine upon my life She won't lie beside me life She won't lie at my bedside at night neither will she be there in the morning She won't be mine, my life's gonna be a sigh at her sight Every time i see her sight it's jz gonna be another sigh plus a bruised lip that i bite I fist my hand, gasp for breath and grasp for my life Hang on tight man u'll be fine My mind pretends and acts like fine by burying the fact that it cheats my deep conscience as i fight...