A Letter To My Brother 💜

You will save more lives
Than you will take...
Most of them lives You save,
By sacrificing your kind,
Who won't even have the minutest clue
Of Your sacrifices...
And this life of yours;
The life you chose...
Will be a hard life,
Maybe a short one...
Your families... i.e. us;
Share you with all our motherland,
That's Us Being as much selfless as You are...
You will laugh at me for saying that we are being selfless and we sacrifice as much as you do...
I mean, you have all the right at it...
But trust me...
Losing ourselves is okay,
But loosing our dearest son, husband, brother, friend just for us, for the sake of the people we don't even know,
For the sake of the people who criticize You, and what you do...
Maybe we will have to do with the crumbs,
Cuz if we are to lose you,
Nothing in this world will replace that damn hole you leave in our lives...
And Brother of mine...
You'll miss many graduations,
Many anniversaries,
And weddings,
Where we will miss our brother, husband, son and friend...
Maybe, on your child's birthday,
Bullets will rain atop some sick bay
You would wish you'd be there for your mates...
While we would wish you were with us, with your son instead...
Yea it won't be easy, won't be a piece of cake,
Still it'll be worth every second...
For Your love is such a love...
That even if it consumes You,
Even if it kills You,
You will never let go,
Til it's the last bullet Your mag has got,
Til it's the last drop of blood Your veins have run out,
Til it's the last breath Your lungs got...
You'll sacrifice Yourself for the greater good of millions of us...
Love You and owe You big time Brother o'Mine 😘😘😘

Depression

Depression has a different quality
Than the normal range of
Boredom and sadness that you may feel throughout the day.
When you are depressed
You do not feel like being with anybody.
Not even Yourself...
You either sleep way more than usual
Or you can hardly sleep at all...
Similarly, your appetite is
Either nonexistent
Or increases dramatically.
Your energy level goes way down,
And you have this feeling of hopelessness about life...

🖕

Reality Is a Regime - Of my Darkest dreams;
Them merciless dreams - Nurture my silent yet evil screams...
Trynna Hold On - But The fight is nearly gone...
Ain't too strong - Can't hang in here no more.
The hell im in - Is far too deep
I hate everything - Even the person im being
It's hard to believe - That this is me.
I never saw myself falling to the blade,
Making friends with a knife,
Always ending up with a sigh,
Looking like a lunatic so naive,
To the whole world outside...
But self-loathing and hate,
Make me hide in shades.
Darkest Emotions do raide - They make all my attempts go invain
My Prayers are slayed - I aint got no aid
I'd trade anything to feel something great
Hence come the cravings for blades...
Hurt and confused - Broke and bruised...
Painted wrists with a fainted soul,
Shivering wrists with a blood filled bowl,
Reddened eyes with blood pumped veins,
Widened eyes so full of rage,
Sleepless eyes so full of hate,
Fucked up life of a miserable soul,
Stuck in a loop til he gets this one phone call,
From the death itself so he can go...

💜

I have Lost my Faith,
I've got none left,
I've lost hope except for one...
i.e.
When tomorrow comes,
That It'll bring death... 🖤

Futility of Life...

We Don’t Remember Birth,
We Won’t Remember Death,
The Futility of Life...
The Inevitability of Death...
Why Breathe in,
For Your Dying Breath?

Me the Living Corpse

I think of Myself,
As a living Corpse;
Of a would-be Suicide...
I mean,
I am Dead - But not allowed to Die.
Alive - But as good as Dead 💀
 .|x|.

Nothingness

Nothingness is slowly clotting my arteries.
Nothingness is slowly numbing my soul.
Caught by nothingness,
Saying nothing...
Nothingness has become me.
When I am nothing,
They say that,
They are surprised in the way;
That they are forever surprised,
"But there was nothing the matter with Him!!!" 😂🖕😂

Slutty Depression

This Fucking Slut called, Depression...
Just gives me that dark smile,
Settles into my favorite chair,
Puts Her feet on my table and lights a cigar,
Filling the room with Her awful smoke...
Loneliness watches and sighs;
Then climbs into my bed,
And pulls the covers over Herself,
Half naked,
A lingerie without a bra nor any undies...
She's going to make me sleep with Her again tonight...

Who am I?

I don't know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy at the same time...

Mr. Nobody

Now i know,
That it's obvious that i am a nobody.
I haven't got as much talent as I thought I had,
And there was no Plan B,
And i got no skills
And a fucked up education,
And now;
I am looking at 26 years of nothing.
Probably less than nothing...
And that's pretty heavy.
That's worse than having a terminal brain cancer
Because what i've got now,
Will take a lot longer to kill me...
Meanwhile, there's only a few things um gonna be left with...
i.e. laodz of regrets,
And Loadz of nothing else...
I've got no choice but a slow, painful death, not a quick, merciful one..

.

2AM Guilts

I've got a bad case of the 2:00 am guilts -
You know, when you lie in bed awake
And replay all those things you didn't do right?
Because, as we all know,
Nothing helps you cope insomnia;
Like a nice warm glass of regret,
Depression and self-loathing... 🍻