Don't Kill Yourself...
If You are looking for a sign....
Don't commit suicide today...
I'm here to talk...
I Love You!!!
You know buddy/honey, we are all just suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids
that suicide isn't the answer... yet we survive and live somehow!!!
To see life for its beauty!!!
You should too!
It is not easy!
But read this if you are in a position! I beg of you!!!
Here we go....
The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill him/herself doesn’t do so because death seems suddenly appealing.
The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill him/herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise.
Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows.
Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant.
The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors.
It’s not desiring the fall; it’s the terror of the flames.
And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump.
Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
~unknown
Hey there,
Listen, maybe u are actually a happy soul,
you don't have any suicidal tendency and maybe you are one of them people who criticize people who has committed suicide or tried to commit suicide.
If you are... and if you are going to read this till the end,
plz be open minded and try to see the world in a Point Of View of a depressed mind alright!?? Otherwise, please just fuck-off... no offense though!
But seriously Fuck Off, no kidding!!!
Cuz i don't wanna address you perfect human beings!
Cuz you people dont understand this shit till it happens to yourselves... not that i wish you wud reach this point so that you would understand this... but i wish at-least you shud stop talking like you DO know everything!!!
Anyways you are not my concern...So... hey buddy, hey honey listen,
if you are feeling like giving up on ur life...
if you are considering the option of taking your own life for the sake of letting go of pain, shame or depression... listen...!!! listen carefully... uv gotta be open minded too! Please!
And let me tell you, this is gonna be soo long, maybe you wont read this, maybe you will try to read this and give up reading halfway thru!
But please try to read it!!! I beg You!!! Read this till the end!!! I beg u again and again!!!
You know, there is this cloud which blocks you seeing anything else but the peacefulness of dying and tranquility beyond this miserable life right!??
So please try to see thru this dark cloud just for a moment!!!
I dont wanna start with the phrase, " i know..." cuz the only thing i know is, what you are going thru right now... what you are feeling right now... it is unique... and it sucks, it makes u miserable... hell, it makes you wanna commit suicide right!!??
Because you are the only one who knows about the deep shit that you are stuck in... and they will tell you to talk with them, share with them, they would swear to you that they would give you an answer... so you try to talk and open up to a few of them... then they would listen, and finally they would tell you that they have been thru the same...or at-least they would tell u that they knew someone who went thru this exact same thing...
and they would illustrate how they managed to do that... how did they escape...
they would tell you to be strong.. be brave, not to escape and hide from pain, problems, humiliation or shame...
they would tell you to cope with whatever the shit you are going thru right now... well fuck them!!! You are not them.What the fuck do they know!
they are not the ones who go thru what you are going thru...
they can tell whatever they want, because its not their problem...
they dont fucking feel it, yet they would sermon you like they know everything and they will have simple solutions...like, bear it up, be brave, stop this, stop that, ignore them, i know..., iv been thru the same, leave him/her, do an abortion, dont give a fuck about what others say, quit this and that... work hard, achieve this achieve that, let bygones be bygones, study hard, forget that forget him forget her, move on... blah blah blaaahh!!!
It's fucking easy for them to say because its not their problem, most of the times, you cant even tell exactly how are they being wrong, why its not practical to do what they say...
it actually seems pretty darn straight and practical, not only to them, but even to you and yet somehow you know it is not possible either!
So u become dumbfound infronta their answers and solutions , and you never go to talk these things with those people ever again, you just cut off the whole world and keep it to yourself, for Deep down you know that it's fucking useless talking and making them understand how you feel, for you know that each one of those fuckers could not handle him/her self to walk in your shoes even one small step....
cuz you know that You have tried all of them solutions!
Cuz uv got the same brains as they do!
Those options... you have considered them and have analysed them one by one right!?
But here you are still in that same deep shit, thinking a way outta it...
then, u find some people soo rarely, who actually understand you...
and ask you to bear them up anyway you could..
and they would assure you that you are gonna be alright...
and in future you and that person would laugh together reminiscing of these miserable days..
they actually make you feel kinda better and they actually make you think, even just for the time they are around you that you are gonna be fine and you are fine...
they will make you see thru that cloud, while they are physically around you, talking to you...
and then, right after they leave you... you start to fall down into that deep well again...
And im sorry, im sorry for the fact that you cant see a future from the place where you stand in your life right now!!!
And it sucks... either you dont have the courage or hope to go on...
you cant face them, him or her, you jz cant live with or without them, you just cant handle the pressure anymore,
you just dont see the point of living anymore...
you dont have anything to live for, you just dont know how to live with all these,
you cant handle all these, you are tired, you are exhausted...
you are embarrassed, you feel betrayed...
you feel like noone gives a shit about your life, they only just pretend to give a fuck about you... committing suicide and leaving this place wouldn't do a minute different to the world around you...
or maybe , just maybe people will miss you and at-least you would get noticed and wud get attention and then you could tell them or show them how much of a pain you were in,
how much you suffered, how much of a pressure you were in, how unfair life was on you...
yeaa you are right buddy/honey...
they will notice, their attention would focus on you... you would think these things when you are all alone!!!
You will think that noone loves you or cares about ur existence!
Now, enough with how you think buddy/honey...
listen and think about this carefully... just take 10mins to think about what um gonna say...
you know, you may think that its better off dying...
but as everyone says... think about ur parents, and siblings...
wait, this is gonna be another typical bullshit advice to u!
But please think about this as often as you could...
cuz if you really love them, care for them...
you would dedicate your life for them without sacrificing your life for the sake of yourself!!!
Do you get me...!!??? Live for the sake of them...
your ammi, thaaththii, ayyaa, akki, malli, nangaa... your best friends...
you are going to be a bitch, a self-centred bastard/ a bitch who tries to get rid of your pain... and make them suffer more than you could ever imagine...
just think of a best friend of yours or a sibling or a parent of urs who has soo many problems...
maybe he/she would have way serious or way lighter problems than you do right now...
but then think for a second...
what if he/she has talked to u about his/her problems and you have done everything you could for him/her and you did care for him/her soo very much and imagine...
one day you wake up to hear that he/she has committed suicide!!??
What would u feel like dude/dudess!!?
You will try to make it your own fault...you will put the blame on yourself, and you would think of so many times and ways that you cud have attended to that person and stop that person from committing suicide...
you will feel miserable, guilty and it would make u haunted and regret for the rest of you life...
you will cry in pain... everything would remind you of that person,
u would wish if that person was there beside you every-time you are happy or sad or alone...
it will make you go crazy...
Yeahh, to be brief, you are going to have to let that person's coffin rest on your conscience darling!!!
So, think of that person's parents...
how would they cope up with their son/daughter's loss!!!
What if they couldn't bear it up and decided to commit suicide too!??
You would not know that for sure... so basically, you are taking your own-life and on the other hand you are making the ones ( yeah maybe it will be just one person or a few people) who really love you, who really couldn't live without you feel suicidal, miserable, and guilty!!!
You are gonna make them suffer for their whole life...
you would think.... wtf, they will suffer for sometime... but like everyone else does, they will move on dude...!!!
No dude/dudette they wont!!!
Most people will do!
But the closest ones will suffer for their whole life... so darling...
You matter... there are people who love you without you even knowing it!!!
Believe me!!!
I care for you!!! I love you! I do!! Maybe i dont know you!!! But reach for me!!!
If you really dont have anyone to talk to... talk to me, talk with me!
I cant guarantee you that i will give you a solution to your problem/problems...
yet i myself have tried things at three points in my life!
I aint telling you that im totally cured or aint gonna try it again!!!
So i kinda know how it feels like, problems may vary but buddy/honey ultimately we all are trynna give an end or trynna stop all this pain!!!
At-least that One thing is common between us!
We could talk, we could hang on, we could try a lil more... we will live thru this...
i am there for you... and this is true, that moment, that point you really wanna do that thing...
it is the point uv gotta past and bear up the most, the point where you shudnt be alone,
the point where you shud talk to your best friend, ur ammi, thaaththi or ur brother or ur sister...
if one is not there for you, physically... phone him.. if he does not pick it up, call another...,call people till some one picks it up...
not just to say goodbye and tell them that you are going...
not for that cruel thing...but just to tell them that you are in deep shit and you really wanna talk, that you feel like taking your own life...
dont be afraid, dont feel ashamed, just try to do that!!! Please!
I know if you wanted to, if you are in need of committing that deed, you never will phone someone to stop that!
But believe me, after you past that point with someone who is close to you...
you will feel like half of your problems have faded away... not in reality... but your mind will feel this relaxation and you would be proud about yourself!
Im not bullshitting you with some shrink shit, some positive or be optimistic bullshit...
it just happens!!! Believe me!!!
So then you could reconsider and see your problems in a new perceptive, in a different and in a lighter POV....
so darling you matter, you are loved, please dont do this to yourself, to ones who really love and care for you, to ones who really gives a shit about you... just talk... there is so much a person could bear up... at some point, when you hit and exceed that point, all you see is this one option... which blinds you from thinking of every possibility after that and making you blind to every thing you stand for... at that point you think that you know all these sermons and things and you just tell yourself that but i can think clearly, and i see no other option...
but that is the very thing i am talking about darling!!!
That is how it feels like!
It feels like you can think clearly and you see every aspect of this problem, this situation, the pain and shit... but you dont...
all im asking and begging you is, to call someone and be with that someone ( and you have gotta tell that person that you really were gonna try to commit suicide... otherwise it would just be another normal conversation) and past that point...
then look back at those few minutes... you can do it darling!!! You can...
the thing is you cant do it alone... all by yourself... different people have different coping capacities, levels...
one will bear something up with a smile...
that same thing would be bore by another one with cries and tears...
some will try to commit suicide over that same exact thing....
and there is this one last thing...
if you are gonna do this over something that makes you ashamed...
because of something that is gonna make you look like a slut or a bad man...
i know ( i know this one okay... i actually do!!!) i know that the same people who blames you after committing suicide, saying that what a stupid person, whatever the problem was, she/he would have bore it up, cuz people forget things and they cud have moved on... those are the same hypocritical bastards and bitches who would've called you a slut or a bad man if you were brave enough to face that very reason you tried to take your life over...
so darling you aint a slut or a badman, but society is...
you dont live your life to fulfill their wishes
and you aint a subject for their bullshit stories...
so please, whatever you are involved with or going thru... just dnt give that aspect a fuck...
dont even consider about those fucktards...
and if you are trynna make someone feel bad or guilty by taking your own life...
he/she will suffer, but like i said... ur ammi, thaaththi, ayyaa, malli, nangi, akki, friends... they are gonna suffer way more than that person does...
so basically you are punishing your closest ones for loving and caring for you so hard!!!
and at the end of the day you have punished yourself for her/his sins....
So please... talk... talk... talk.... dont commit that sin!
In my opinion, feeling suicidal is kinda natural,
But you must try to get over that feeling...
for the sake of youself, for your ammi, thaaththi, nangi, malli, akki, ayya, friends....
You can live past that point... you can darling!!!!
Be brave, face these emotions without losing control or without breaking down!!
You are more than capable of that! You just dont know it yet!!!
Love You!!! May the blessings of God and triple gems showered upon you!!!!
Please think... and talk...
you are worth than you think honey,
Suicide is just a permanent solution for a temporary problem...
You are capable of not giving power to that will of taking your own life away from you and your family...
You aint gonna regret the fact that you didn't give up your life and you didn't give into that so-called easy way out alternative...
lets live and smile over that option in soon future darling...
you are going to be fine...
now, be brave, be strong talk with ur bestie or ammi or anyone in ur family
Open yourself up!!!
Maybe they will scold you, blame you... right after you told them!!!
but after all, they love you!
Maybe they will come up with a solution...maybe not...
yet they will share the pain with you!!!
Doesn't matter how much it is wrong, shameful, bizarre or doesn't make sense...
with time they are gonna understand you...
so you won't be alone to face it and you won't have to suffer alone...
so darling, don't do it...we need you!
Just talk to us!
Let us know what goes in your mind!
We can get past thru it!
Xoxoxoxo
Finally... a few more paras to go... Love You!!!
Surviving today
Assume, just for a second, you have a car. If it breaks down, what do you do? Normally, take it to someone to get it fixed. You wouldn't pour acid on it, blow it up, drive it over a cliff. It's just broken, and broken things can be repaired. You are no different to a car (assuming your issues are emotional, and not physical). You have a problem, and part of that problem is that people don't see ill health of the mind as an illness which is just as serious as any physical illness. But illnesses can be treated. The issue is you either don't believe you can be made better, or don't know how. Both can be addressed.Martha Ainsworth uses a slightly different analogy, and talks about suicide being driven by a person getting to a place where their pain exceeds their ability cope with the pain. I think this is also true, and the trick is to either reduce the pain, increase the coping resources, or ideally both.
So, you are on the brink, you have no hope, but for some strange reason you are still reading. Is there anything that can make you feel worse than you do right now? I hope so...
1. Follow the three day rule. If you are ready to commit suicide, like really, really ready, wait three days, or better still a week, until you actually go through with it. If you are going to be dead for the rest of time, what's another few days wait? It may be that in a few days your enthusiasm to go through with it might not be the same, which will suggest that maybe suicide is not the only answer, and possibly something could change in your life circumstances, or how you view/feel about your life, that will change your decision.
Many suicides and attempted suicides are done on impulse, but this suggests that the same people would not have tried to kill themselves either days before, or days after, had they thought about their actions for longer. Suicide is a permanent solution to an often temporary problem. It is not a decision that should be rushed.
2. Speak to someone. Now. People who are suicidal are very often feeling lonely, isolated, depressed, hopeless. I understand that in that place you may not want to speak to anyone. I certainly didn't. After all, what difference can they make? Or maybe you are too embarrassed or ashamed to talk to anyone about how you are feeling, especially someone that knows you? I certainly was.
But I'll say this. However much you might not want to speak to someone, do it anyway. If you are going to spend the rest of time dead, what difference making a phone call now? Speaking to someone, and discussing how you feel, is possibly the single most powerful thing you can do right now. You don't have to speak to someone that knows you. Whatever the time of day, the organisations below have trained people available who will listen to you, without judgement. If you can't face speaking to someone, see further down this page for chat forums:
US: www.samaritansnyc. org
UK: www.samaritans. org
Australia: www.lifeline. org.au
Worldwide www.befrienders. org
If you have a friend or a family member you can trust to listen to you, without being angry or judgemental, consider using them as well as, or instead of, the above. Just chatting to someone who cares can make all the difference. Really, it can. Even just going round to a friend or family member whose company you enjoy can make a huge difference.
Or call a monk, father, minster or rabbi. If you are already having psychotherapy, you should tell your psychotherapist.
It is also highly advisable to tell your doctor, as they should be able to point you towards some form of treatment.
If you don't want to speak to a real person, another option might be going to a chat room, which should be an environment where you can share how you feel, and be supported by others who will understand exactly what you are going through. It is open 24/7, and some people might feel more comfortable communicating by chat than to a person. However, this is probably worse than actually speaking to someone.
3. Realise that statistics show the vast majority of people who are suicidal do not go through with it. You are not alone. And the odds of you getting though this and feeling better again are in your favour. So even if you think there is no hope, the statistics would point to there being lots of hope. Most people who are suicidal go on to lead a much longer life.
4. Think, very, very carefully, about the pain of killing yourself. Many people mistakenly assume that suicide is painless. In many cases though, suicide is not painless, and is positively very painful. They have tried to stop trying it without realising it was too late!!! And most of the times, time becomes relative when you try to suicide... it freezes, u wud think it wud take like 5mins to complete it, but it will actually feel like a lifetime of pain and suffereing, making u regret for taking that decision!!!
