Being Miserable

If you cant look
Forward to tomorrow...
What's the point of today?
I want to leave this earth,
But all these fucking bonds are
Making me stay...
The angel of death has
Been breathing down my neck
Since i got to this fucking place...
And these voices in my head
Are getting too loud to ignore...
And the pain is getting too much to bear...
All this hatred,  regrets
And sorrow is turning
Me into this beast,
That i didn't even know
That i had in me...
Regretting and digging knives into my arms...
This act is starting to get real old...
I need something to start afresh...
Maybe a new life...
I think i've gotta bid my farewell to my kins i love...

The Painter I Am

My wrist, my canvas
My blade, my paintbrush
Across my flesh
A stroke of red
Dripping down
Thoughts of guilt
My wrist of scars
My canvas of blood
Such pretty strokes
OmyGoodness;
Such painful thoughts...

Days

He knows bad days.
Bad days take him completely by surprise.
They make him not trust
The good days
Because it's likely something
Is lurking twenty-four hours away...

The Reverse Nightmare

What happened when you woke up?"
"I was having a dream. I don’t know what it was, but when I woke up, I had this awful realization that I was awake. It hit me like a brick in the groin."
"Like a brick in the groin, I see."
"I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare."
And what is that nightmare, Craig?"
"Life."
"Life is a nightmare."
"Yes."

     

              -Vizzini

Inside This MessedUp Mind

It's like I have this large
Black hole in my brain...
And it's sucking the life out of me.
The answers are in there somewhere...
So I sit for hours and stare.
But no matter how hard and long I look,
I only see darkness, even at noon... 🖕

Me Avoiding Me Friends

I wanted to tell people,
"My depression is acting up today"
As an excuse for not seeing them,
But I never managed to pull it off...
So here i am...
Looking like a looser,
Who wanna be in his dark and gloomy room,
On a fine Sunday morning...

The Shift

The Shift is coming.
The Shift has to be coming.
Because if I keep living like this,
I'll Fucking die...

Begging to Feel Something

It’s not only about sadness.
In truth, sadness really has very little
To do with it.
Depression is pain and state of regret
In their purest forms...
And I would do anything
To be able to feel an emotion again...
Any emotion at all.
Pain is an emotion, i can feel it alright,
And it hurts,
But pain is so powerful,
That you can’t feel anything anymore,
Not even pain itself...
And
That’s when you start to feel
Like you’re going crazy...

Nevertheless,  a feeling at last... 😂😂😂

Depression Definition

Perhaps depression
Is caused by;
Asking oneself too many
Unanswerable questions...

a Funeral in My Head

I felt a Funeral in my Brain,
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading – treading – till it seemed
That Sense was breaking through,
And when they all were seated,
A Service, like a Drum kept beating...
Beating – till I thought
My Mind was going numb...
And then I heard them lift a Box
And a creak across my Soul...
With those same Boots of Lead, again,
Then Space – began to toll,
As all the Heavens were a Bell,
And Being, but an Ear,
And I, and Silence, some strange Race
Wrecked, solitary, here...
And then a Plank in Reason broke,
And I dropped down, and down...
And hit a World, at every plunge,
And Finished knowing...
I am at peace at last...


 -Emily

Feeling S-ui-cidal

It's so hard to talk
When you want to kill yourself.
That's above and beyond everything else,
And it's not a mental complaint,
It's a physical thing,
Like it's physically hard
To open your mouth
And make the words come out.
They don't come out smooth
And in conjunction with your brain
The way normal people's words do;
They come out in chunks
As if from a crushed-ice dispenser;
You stumble on them
As they gather behind your lower lip.
So you just keep quiet.