FML

Over the past couple of years,

I have lost pieces of me

Which made me who i was...

The sum of those pieces have cost

The better part of who i used to be...

Even if i tried and collected them,

Even if i did able to put them back in order again...

I dont think i could ever give life to that cheerful peaceful happy same old me

Even if those same pieces were to put back together again...

There wont be that same pure untroubled old soul to liven up that physique again...

Because that one especial element

Which gives a meaning to one's soul...

It is the one Piece that

i aint gonna find in my soul again...

 #FML

MEMORIES

Too many fucking memories man!!!! 

They make u unable to unfuck yourself from all the shit that happened with that particular person 

and it prevents u from being who you used to be before all that stuff happened!!! 

And sometimes they make u feel the feeling... 

That you don't even know what the fuck u are feeling!!! LOL!!!

Flashbacks, them fucking flashbacks...

I knoww reacting to them will be unintentional, 

We just cant fucking escape from'em but to react to them freaking flashbacks!!! 

They will make your mind stuck in a thought loop and they will fetch you to a place where you don't wanna go...

To a place where u would become so helpless that even your sound wont come out!!!! 

They will make your mind stuck in a time loop where u will get stuck for the rest of your life, thru infinity till eternity...

Right when you think that you are over that situation or that person

Right when you think that those tiniest detailed memories cannot hurt you anymore... 

A random flashback would bring you back a thousand memories ; 

And they would invade and penetrate your mind , rush to your heart, and they would hit you so bad that they would make you wish that you could unmet that person, 

And they will fucking break your heart all over again!!! 

There... you are at nowhere but at the threshold of that split second where that taunting time loop begins...again!!!

So the loop begins... them memories hit you so fucking bad that it hurts like a motherfucker!!!

She doesn't hate you, neither does she love you, she's just not necessarily excited about your existence anymore!!! 

And it fucking hurts!!! 

It fucking kills you slowly!!!

Here you were thinking that only supernatural freaks could haunt human lives, 

Yet it could be a photo album, which would remind us of who we used to be, 

Who we once were and that we actually used to live, got to live a life like that in real fucking life!!!! 

Or it could be some things, that you have left unsaid,

Or a broken promise, a love letter, a text message, a memory or a consequence of a bad choice u made;

Or it could be a song...for each li'l memory has its own soundtrack.... !!!

PHOTOGRAPHS....that is what i love about them!!! They are the proof that once, even if it was just for a heartbeat... everything was perfect!!!

So they make u linger for longer in that time warp where u get lost in your past in a surreal world!!! 

But when the fist of reality hits you and punches you in the fucking face, 

You are reminded that those wounds, won't ever get healed, 

And that the pain is just too real, 'cause there is too much that time cannot erase!!!! 

So the mind keeps replaying what heart cannot erase!!! 

Maybe, just maybe, u will be amazed that one-day you have erased all them memories from your heart... but still, not all of'em, not completely, cuz some tiny li'l parts of those memories will remain and linger in your heart like a haze!!!!

She... 

man she fucks me over and over again...

Me and her... we started with a simple hello, but ended up with a complicated goodbye... !!!

There is this moment when you are in the amidst of the process of getting to know someone...

That moment when u realize something deep and buried in you, something that carved into your soul , is deep and buried in them too... 

It makes u feel like meeting a stranger that you've known for your whole life!!!! 

But now here we are.... again.... not friends, not enemies... just strangers, with some unforgettable cherished memories of a lifetime!!! 

So we departed without the perfect closure... 

Which makes me miserable by making me project a fantasy of how the relationship could have been... But yet I have realized that some things just have to end without a closure... 

Cuz what happened has happened, and whats done is done!!!

We are nothing but travelers on a grandiose journey man,

Bathing in elixir whirlpools, 

Swirling thru stardust eddies and thru infinity... 

The life is eternal, 

We have just stopped for a moment to encounter each other... 

To meet , to love, to share and to be strangers when we depart again... i guess!!! 

So in that moment of encounter, 

Just enjoy the every heartbeat of it, for it will never happen again, not with this exact same person, not this same exact feeling, not this exact same chemistry or the bond ever again thru this journey... 

So cherish and fathom that unique moment, for this moment is a tiny little parenthesis in eternity!!! 

Live it to the fullest of your veins for you won't have to continue your journey with unlived lives in your veins,

For it will make u feel like u reached the empyrean!!!!! 

For u wont have to regret that you couldn't live that moment to the fullest!!! 

Cuz you ain't coming back, but travelling thru this vast eternity forever... 

Even after the stars died... even after black-holes were created and white holes are born, 

For we journey from this universe to the other via this black-hole thru those white holes...

Find What You Love & Let it Kill You!!!!

Find what u love and let it kill u... they say!!! 

And yea, it is true...everything that we love, 

Everything we passionate about...

Almost all of them are self destructive... 

And you know,

The worst thing about

Anything that is self destructive!!?? 

We become so intimate with those things... 

The desire, the craving, the addiction

And the longing.... 

You become so close with your addictions,

That leaving them behind

Makes you feel like,

Killing that one part of yours

That taught you how to survive alone,

All by yourself

Hence...

Here we are...

Drunkards, junkies, sex addicts, druggies... 

Yes,

All of us are addicted to something that takes away the pain,

From our physiques to our souls

Those addictions...

They help the course we are desperately trying in our entire life... 

To escape the inevitability of this reality...

But our one true addiction

Aint to ciagrettes, pills or drugs... 

We are addicted to numb the pain... 

And to feel real without the pain...

A Life Like This 🖕🏻

Pathetic soul, It's a cigarette that he holds

Blaming the entire world for his own faults 

Thinking that the whole world should be a bed of roses, and everyone should be giving him a helping hand with every thing that goes wrong

Every night he smokes and sobs

Ain't there a night he stays sober but shots of whiskey he moans

Every deed he does makes him bored

He just doesn't have one single reason to carry on

He just want no more to live on, 

He just wanna leave this life for good, without even leaving a note, 

A note that explains how he ended up having a life like this,

How he stopped believing in God, 

And why he started to think that this so-called God is so cold 

Hence the whole concept of god is so false; Gosh he ain't a moron,

He just hate the fact that he was born

He knows that this world and all these people are better off without his old soul

He knows he is so old school and sore, 

So the the workd is gonna be a better place without his damned soul 

He just wanna hit the road 

And stroll where his feet carry him on

Never to be returned but to be forever gone...

And to be forever forgotten... 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻

The Caller Assistant 😂

When u phone the insurance company to claim ur insurance, and a lustful female voice picks up the phone and when she asks ur email address and when you spell it out and when she wants to make sure she takes it down right, so she asks you which one is it Mr. iShan,  

S for sex or L for Love 

and then again 

M for Maleclap or N for Naughty!??? 

Well, i could think of so many simple words that begins with M, yet, MaleClap!? Wtf was she referring to!!! As i know maleclap is.... shit mate, she is one nasty funny assistant with a dulcet voice 😂😅😅💜💜💜

Feeling Nothing

I never knew or believed that this feeling of feeling nothing towards someone or something did exist... since recently i discovered that very feeling does indeed exist!!!

Now; there are people ... who i dont give a shit about... when i say i dnt give a shit... i really mean it! Whether they become the richest men in the world... or whether they were murdered in a brutal way after some kinda torturing... i really aint gonna feel anything for their lives... i know it seems impossible... cuz as humans we feel things and seeing someone dies or dead... it makes us sick worried, Even if we were complete strangers right!!?? But believe me, it is same with me for the rest of the world except for these few people! What happens with them, what happens in their lives, whether they are sooo happy or, whether they are real sad and feeling suicidal, is literally irrelevant to me, i just dnt give a flying fuck!!! To be exact, those characters dont exist in the universe that is perceived by my senses!!! Lol

It's soo bizzare and hard to believe... once were bossom amigos, now not even enemies... 😂😂😂

Knowing that feeling's existence makes me think that if it does exist, there maybe people who feel about me in the exact same way... i mean i already know one!!! Shit mate!!! Damn!!!! I fucking hate knowing it!!! And this stupid heartless feeling!!! Fuckkkk!!! 

UNPROCURABLE LOVE

She loves me for what i am Yet i don't have the right to love her for who she is... I mean i do love her for everything she is... But god i don't have the fucking right... I loved her since i laid my eyes upon her Fair cheeks where veins were visible... Lips like crimson roses yet way more divine... Tiny finger always sticking out of the rest of her fingers when she grabs something or laughs Specs making her look kinda naughty Decency and the innocent look on her face at the same time God she's still the same... Me being a fugly miserable brat She being a hearty adorable lass She could make me a gentleman by being my gentle angel.. But god why did this has to happen an unprocurable love She'll never be mine She won't shine upon my life She won't lie beside me life She won't lie at my bedside at night neither will she be there in the morning She won't be mine, my life's gonna be a sigh at her sight Every time i see her sight it's jz gonna be another sigh plus a bruised lip that i bite I fist my hand, gasp for breath and grasp for my life Hang on tight man u'll be fine My mind pretends and acts like fine by burying the fact that it cheats my deep conscience as i fight...

 THOSE DAYS

It was only you and me babe, But it was all okay, cuz u were all I needed
We climbed mountains, Hiked hills
U took my hand, whenever you weren't sure of which path to take, whenever the path was rough and difficult, you leaned on me, you took my hand....
My goodness hon, that grip... thought it was gonna last for the life time...
Your warm sweaty neck and chest , with that drenched kiss curl and that unique frisky smile of yours... 
God u were leaving me breathless darlingl!!! I cudnt believe that U were mine!!!
That beach we sat down together looking at the horizon,gazing at the endless infinity... reminding ourselves of what it's our life gonna be together!!!
One foot on the sand the other one intertwined with ur leg...
We were talking the simplest things in our lives and the deepest serious shit without sweating a bit... 
Like they too were so simple things in our lives!!!
That's the thing babe, we could do that! 
We could talk even the deepest darkest secrets we held only into our individual souls for the entire life,
The saddest darkest drastic moments of our lives...
The things we only held into ourselves, 
The things we didn't slip out no matter what, 
The things we only speak loud inside our heads, 
The things we only talked with that li'l voice which echoes inside our heads... 
We could tell them with each other, looking straight right at our eyes fearlessly, shamelessly, 
without giving it a second thought, 
without stressing out or being afraid of being judged by the other...

Once a bright sunny sandy beach that was... 
Now a gloomy heavy dark extraterrestrial place which holds the memories of a bright sun and an inmost adorable couple...
Who were sipping a daiquiri and a virgin daiquiri looking at the horizon with the lightest but the happiest hearts a living being could ever possess...
they thought of their problems were all under rocks...
They both were sharing this mutual feeling which was a combination of happiness, love, lust and this relaxing feeling 
while clinging into each other while filling their glasses again and again!
When I look back on those days, 
And now that all those beautiful moments are gone & those moments are nothing but everliving memories... 
There is not a single thing that I would change... 
Cuz man, they were the perfect happiest moments a man could ever get in his life time! 
It's sad that some men die without even realizing that a man could be that much happy and proud!!!
Well i've been lucky!!! 
I lived my life so full of joy back then, and i loved it! 
Well i guess, what they say is true... Life is nothing but a dream hon!!! 
And now it sucks.... Again, 
Just like what it used to be before, 
Before u came into my miserable, boring, monotonous life!!! 
You changed that, You taught me how to love my life, how much my life worth, not only to me, but to some other people too!!! 
Yes babe u taught me that!!! 
But what u never taught me was, how much cheaper or how worthless it could get without your presence in it... 
How to keep going on without you by my side...

‪#‎College_Students...,

When they have no options left but to stay away from their home-place...
When the ‪#‎Academic_Stress rises up above their zenith...
When the academic staff puts so much pressure and keep pressing on'em so hard without any mercy on their ‪#‎Young_Souls ...
There comes a breaking point in each and every young soul...
So These young men tend to do ‪#‎Things ...
#Things that they get ‪#‎addicted to!!!
Sports, Clubs & Societies, Designing Things, Making Robots or Quad-copters, playing COD from dusk 'till dawn until their laptops get overheated and even after that, Taking Night Strolls with friends, Going out to dine with friends, Trynna find The ‪#‎perfect_soul_mate, or just ‪#‎Hitchhiking ‪#‎till_the_graduation or at least trynna find a seat next to a girl before a long and boring lecture ... , ‪#‎Midnight phone calls that last till dawn..., Having Li'l picnics and evening strolls in #‎LoversLane‬... , having  ‪#‎Beer with good friends, having a drink with buddies... And most infamous method in ‪#‎College_Life...
Hanging out and have puffs of fags and other ‪#‎Green_Stuff with amigos...
So they do these #Things !!! For the inner Peace of their souls!
Well; hell !!!
Some of'em aint proud of saying out loud!!!
But still no one can judge'em or criticize'em for doing any of'em... Unless they are gonna OD themselves by over doing bad shit!!!










When they have no options left but to stay away from their homeplace...When the ‪#‎Academic_Stress‬ rises up above their zeniths...When the aca staff put pressure and keep pressing on'em so hard without any mercy on their ‪#‎Young_Souls‬ ... There comes a breaking point in every young soul...So These young men tend to do ‪#‎Things‬ ...#Things that they get ‪#‎addicted‬ to!!!Sports, Clubs & Societies, Designing Things, Making Robots or Quadcopters, playnig COD til laptops get overheated and even after that, Taking Night Strolls with friends, Going out to dine with friends,Trynna find The ‪#‎perfect_soul_mate‬, or jz ‪#‎HitchHiking‬ ‪#‎til_the_graduation‬ or atleast trynna find a seat next to a girl before lectures ... , ‪#‎Midnight‬ phone calls that last till dawn..., Having Li'l picnics and evening strolls in‪#‎LoversLane‬... , having a ‪#‎Beer‬ with good friends, having a drink with buddies... And most infamous method in ‪#‎College‬ life... Hanging out and have puffs of fags and other ‪#‎Green_Stuff‬ with amigos...So they do those #Things !!!Well; hell !!! Some of'em aint proud of saying out loud!!!But still noone can judge'em or critizice'em for doing any of'em... Unless they are gonna OD themselves by over doing bad shit 😉

From Bhaanu to iP,

To IP...

Man,
I miss you so much !!!!
I miss discussing all those crazy things and deep shit !!!
How we change topics yet we both are interested in equally ..
How we love to share our thoughts and listen to the other one..
How we discuss about the people we love , I know we both went through some extraordinary love stories but never regret..
And how we don't judge the other one ..
Both still trying to figure out what life is, and think like we should die young cause lot of people just judge us but don't try to understand!!
May be we don't have to understand what life is,but keep moving forward and always expect the unexpected!!!
we don't meet often ,may be just like once or twice a year but still we know each other !!!!
People may tell lighting a cigarette and have a beer is a too bad thing to do, but i swear i love to have some beer with a cigarette and talking to you ,cause that makes more sense than be surrounded by fake people who don't give a shit about others !!!
Anyway keep in mind ,there is always hope...
I'm so glad to be your friend !!!



-extracted from FaceBook-

A Reply From iP to Bhaanu...

Bhaanu...

I miss those good ol' days too brother,
The small concrete bridge, which lies across our canteen and math section, plus the corridor,
Our usual place where we used to share all those stories, talk about nothing plus everything...
Books, Music, Girls, Love, Movies, People, Life...
Miss'em too damn much Dudy!!!
It's true we don't meet-up that much often like we used to,
But the fact that we are best buddies... it will remain forever and ever brother!!!
It's true that the frequency of those moments a li'l bit above nil,
But we still meet up once in a while through the year buddy,
& yea, to hell with those hypocrites plus ignoramus shitheads,
A best feeling, a best moment of my life is centered 'round a Beer, a cigarette plus a Great Amigo to talk!!!
No matter how weird, stupid, how crazy, how dark or freaking meaningless the story.. we still DO hear each other out man...
No judgments, zero awkwardness but understandings plus funny and serious advises!!!
I think that's the very definition for the word "Friendship" dude!!!
No-matter how long we stay apart, how far we stay apart, no matter what or who we'll become,
We still KIT with each other....
I silently thank our Alma Mater for giving me a friend like you bro!!!!
You are A Brother from another Mother to me man!!! But our Alma Mater is our is our Mother... Hence the the same blood and actual brothers we are!!!
So kit brother!!! Love u so damn much!!!smile emoticon

P.S.
I dunno about that buds...
HOPE... That's what iv been missing since i got my leaving certificate from school...
This life ain't the life i expected at all!!!

P.P.S.

Anyways, with friends like You

I hope, there's still hope man!!!!

-extracted from FaceBook-