Thoughts 🖕

I know, when people kill themselves,
They think that they are ending the pain 😂🖕
But all they are doing is, passing it on to those they leave behind;
Who were actually so close to them!!!
Cuz the person who completes suicide,
Dies once...
But those who he/she leaves behind, die a thousand deaths;
Trynna relive those terrible moments trying to understand why...
See i know it's an act of fucking selfishness...
Cuz it is way more worse than killing another man...
Cuz the man who kills a man just kills a man.
But the man who kills himself kills all men;
As far as he is concerned,
He wipes out an entire world;
A whole universe's existence comes to an end...
Including all the people, all the animals
and all the gods and beliefs which once existed in his world...
If you come to think of it,
There's a terrible yet a deep concept in it to grasp...
And that's why i won't ever act on the thought of killing myself,
But keep it as an option just to keep my inner peace and sanity intact ...
I mean Thinking about not being here anymore;
Having not to deal with the stress...
It soothes the fuck outta me....
I find it very comforting that the option of suicide will always be there for me.
So, when I think that I will end up killing myself one day,
That thought alone puts me at ease...
So, for me, the notion of suicide is my escape plan if things get worse.
I know...
It's a strange thing to know that it's always gonna be there for me.
There's always an option you know?
I like the thought of it.
Whenever I'm at my worst,
And when it becomes the Mental Olympics to get out of
Bed and move through another day,
The realization that everything could come to a halt whenever I wish, is the ultimate comfort...
I mean, this thought makes me feel like i have the ultimate control over my life...
And life can't do shit to me, but i cud end it right here,  right now if i needed...
That's a great consolation...
Actually when i come to think of it,
I feel like thinking about death is the only thing that makes me happy anymore;
In fact it's the only thing that makes me feel anything for real at all in this pathetic excuse for my worthless existence...
I know, I don't think you trust
In my self-righteous suicide...
But tell me; Nobody who is alive asked to be born right?
Not me,  not you, not anyone...
And we all are allowed to dislike anything in life; Except for life itself... Which i find too damn odd!!!
We can say good bye to anything or anyone;
Never to be seen, never to be touched or never to be heard from again...But life...
On a funny note; Being able to kill yourself is kind of a gift... you can do anything and get away with it, i mean anything 😂😂😂
I know i know... It's a bit dark, but also kind of inspiring, ain't it!?
Anyways i have been very close three times...
But this shrink, made me realise that,
I would be throwing my problems in the face of my parents, my siblings and the others.
So I returned...
And I no longer feel comforted by the thought of leaving my parents and brothers devasted for their life just because of me...
That feeling is more terribly intense than the comfort I find in actually doing it.
But every birthday, i know I am one step closer to the finish line.
So i use this method to stay away from actually doing it!
Anyways to all the fuckers who don't understand the mentality level of a suicidal person... It ain't about their IQ level, neither it is about reasoning... It could happen to anyone... So this so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill him/herself doesn’t do so because death seems suddenly appealing...
The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill him/herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise.
Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows.
Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant.
The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors.
It’s not about desiring the fall; it’s the terror of the burning and flames.
And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump.
Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt the very same flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
And for finding comfort in the thought of suicide;
Let's say you're a jet pilot.
If the plane catches on fire - even at the enemy territory -
It's still an immense comfort to know that you'll always have the eject button beside you.
Nevertheless the sequence of series of events which are to take place with getting interrogated, tortured and finally getting killed by your barbaric terrorists...
So it's like this saying...
"The thought of suicide is a great consolation;
By means of it, one gets through many a dark night.”
But still it's also so scary sometimes; for I know I will do it one day.
Cuz i know deep inside that the thought of suicide is just balm on a very raw wound...
And if You do too...
But You really love and care for your parents and if you really wanna show that to your parents and Siblings...  Just don't say that you'd die for'em...
Instead stay alive for'em... Hang on for the sake of their happiness, for their lives!!!
I am just talking to myself here 😂😂😂
#fml