Tears...

Each and every single year
For the last couple of years,
I'm drowning in oceans of tears
I can't seem to forget the pain
I seem to give...
The pain I seem to give my family and friends...
I hoped that my Demons would drown in those tears...
Instead they danced and did feast on them tears...
By the memories of those years...
All the haunting memories and things i regret, wishing i could've done differently...
I've been losing parts of me year by year...
True; I should keep them in my rear view mirror even i weep over those in fear...
Knives, paper cutters, blades and scalpels have become my gear...
I've dug them into my arms without shedding a tear,
Cigarettes, whiskey, Beedees and Weed have replaced my beer,
I've been drowning in'em,
Since beer haven't been able to do the trick of changing this reality I'm in for reals...
Dark thoughts,
Fucking nightmares,
Hugging bears with knives and shit...
Have been my reality for the last 3 or 4 years...
I've made friends with'em cuz they make me feel alive and real
For I really can't seem to differentiate
Between what is real and what is not,
Cuz i haven't been real even to myself in all these years...
No talent,
Ain't got skills,
Too sensitive like a fucking girl,
Being unable to express myself,
Being not good for nothing,
I really do suck ass...
I've been this coward,
Who's been a burden to my family and my friends who have never complained
And still are cool with me even if i am luring them into the gain of my needs like a cruel ass manipulator...
Have got nothing,
Ain't nor a help to anyone,
Always asking for this and that from everyone...
Man, how much i hate my life, myself and the fact of me being in this world...
Everyone will be fine and do better without my lazy ass,
Crazy ass,
And fucked up existence...
And that's one of the few things I'm real sure of...